


In Search of "Sexy"

by pizzascape



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival ALL STARS (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: (but in cameo only), Bushiverse, Comedy, Gen, gets kinda wild, well very wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25182445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pizzascape/pseuds/pizzascape
Summary: In which Karin tries to find the meaning of life (well, her life at least). Her friends are more than happy to help (by some definition of help anyway).
Comments: 18
Kudos: 22





	In Search of "Sexy"

At a certain convenience store near Odaiba, on a certain Sunday in July, Karin Asaka stood at the magazine rack, her selection in hand. She glanced through the article headlines, seeking out her prize.

_ New! Must-Try Beauty Tips! _

_ Really works! Clothes that Slim your Waist! _

_ 57 Tips for Hot Cafe Da- _

Karin shut the magazine with a sigh. She had read all of these before! Was there truly nothing more she could learn from these “beauty experts” she wondered? No, there had to be more. After all, she still had not answered the biggest question of all in her mind. A question that would challenge the greatest philosophers, puzzle the greatest thinkers, cause prize-winning game show contestants to go running for their lifelines! That question that puzzled the “sexy” idol of Nijigasaki’s Idol Appreciation Club?

Just what does “sexy”  _ mean _ anyway?

Karin sighed. Being the sexy one of the club sure wasn’t easy. Wait, she thought. The club! That was it! She rushed out of the convenience store at speeds she didn’t think possible. 

Then, she doubled back. For she realized that she forgot to buy the strawberry milk she came in for in the first place. Once her milk was bought and a goodbye waved to the friendly pair of brunette and white haired cashiers, off she was again, a fantastic idea in her mind.

* * *

“What is sexy?” Ai tapped her cheek in thought. “Well if you ask me on the spot, it’s gotta be you!”

Karin’s face fell all the way to the table she was sitting at. She knew asking Ai first was a bad idea. “Well thanks, but I meanT… what does sexy  _ mean _ ?”

Ai crossed her arms. “I dunno if it’s something that can really be defined… it’s just like… a feeling? Like when I see someone and I get the urge to say ‘Whoa do you want some ice cream girl, cause you are HO-’”

A swift bonk to the back of the head from Emma stopped Ai in her tracks. “Now now, Ai-chan. Calm down dearie.”

“Hehe, sorry.”

Emma looked to Karin. “Still, Ai-chan does have a point… I think you do a great job of being appealing all on your own!”

Karin slumped over in her chair. It would be great if she didn’t have to change anything at all. But why did she feel like something was still missing?

She was in the middle of her thoughts when she heard a loud crash from the door. There, holding a pile of assorted magazines, fabric, posters, and tape was Kasumin!

“Alright guys! Who’s ready to sexify Karin-senpai today?”

Ai raised her hand immediately. Emma looked around a bit, but soon followed.

Karin was dumbfounded. “Um… forgive me, but how is any of this going to make me-”

Kasumi plopped the package down with a chuckle. “Karin-senpai, Karin-senpai, my dear Karin-senpai. Sexiness you understand, is an art, a skill. Something that must be planned and uh… strategimi-”

Shizuku emerged from behind her, rolling her eyes, a bag of snacks in hand. “She means we’re gonna brainstorm ideas. And Kasumi-san? Leave the theatrics to me, ok?”

“Fine fine, Shizuko…”

Setsuna piped up from behind them. “Yu-san and the others are busy today, but the six of us should be able to come up with something! And Rina-san even left us a little present…”. She produced a clear box, filled to the brim with markers of all types, shapes, sizes, and colors.

“She even included the glitter ones!” Kasumi announced proudly.

Karin picked her head up, newly determined. Her friends were behind her now! It was her sacred duty to do right by them now! And by right she of course meant drop-dead sexy!

* * *

Setsuna adjusted the webcam clipped on top of the monitor. “Ok Karin-san, we should be all ready to go!”

“Alright, if you say so Setsuna!” To Karin, the collection of wires, screens and PC tower was intimidating to the extreme. But Setsuna navigated it like it was second nature to her. She smiled. She wasn’t quite sure what a “gamer” was yet, but she was glad Setsuna was one.

Well, she thought, she would certainly learn today.

_ Setsuna slammed her hands onto the desk. “I’ve got it!” she shouted in a voice as loud as a megaphone. “Streaming, Karin-san! Lots of streamers online are sexy!” _

_ “Stream...ing? Setsuna… I’m not THAT good at swimming you know.” _

_ “...Um. Let me explain…” _

Karin nodded to herself. Yes, she had learned so much already. What an interesting world “streaming” was! Surely the secrets to sexiness lied in this mystic realm!

“Thanks for letting me join you guys too, Setsuna!” Shizuku settled into the seat next to Karin. “It’s a great chance to practice my... _ improv. _ ” she said, putting a flourish and a “too cool for this world” gesture on the last word.

“Of course Shizuku-san! Streaming is always more fun with friends!” Setsuna certainly looked like she was having fun. “Ok Karin-san! Since this is your first stream, please! Choose a game for us!”

Setsuna turned to Karin, only to see her adjusting the camera on top. “Hmm… what would be the sexiest angle…” she mumbled to herself while checking how she looked on the monitor.

“Um… K-Karin-san?”

“Mm… I wonder…” Karin’s held the webcam mere inches from her face now, and all anyone could see was a close-up of her forehead.

“Karin-san?”

Karin looked at herself on the screen. “A close-up…”. She looked at the camera in her hands and then down at her chest. She began to lower the camera.

“KARIN-SAN!”

“Gwah! S-Setsuna?” Karin jumped, juggling the webcam in her hands like an expert clown at the circus.

“Ahem… a game, please?” Setsuna said sternly, taking the camera and making sure it was secured tightly atop the monitor, at no risk of being moved, dropped or  _ lowered  _ into any suspicious places.

“Ah, right… Er, I actually don’t really know much about games so…”

Shizuku put her finger on her chin. “Hmm… This is your first time and all, so… something short? Ah, I’m sorry. Something…  _ fleeting. _ ” She leaned back and brushed her hair back while saying this, as if she were about to be swept away by the wind in some low-budget romance movie.

Setsuna smiled. “That’s a great idea! I actually know a site with a whole bunch of short games you can play on the web!”

“Alright!” Karin pumped her fist in determination, as Setsuna navigated the site. Karin’s eyes were drawn to one game in particular.

“Oh! That one looks super cute!”

“Really? Let’s see...” Setsuna looked over at what Karin had picked. She wished she hadn’t.

“Karin-san… m-maybe we should pick something diff-”

“Oh wow! That does look cute!” Shizuku chirped. “A-ah, I mean… it looks…  _ effervescent. _ ” she said dramatically, making another hand gesture. Just where did she learn these, Karin wondered.

Setsuna stuttered. “Er well, I think uh, we should pick another-”

Karin and Shizuku both looked up at her with wide eyes, as if they were asking for a puppy for Christmas. Setsuna could have sworn she saw… tears? brimming in their eyes.

“Ahhh, um... “ She sighed. “Ok. Just… please be prepared.”

Karin nearly jumped out of her chair. “Yes!” 

Shizuku flashed a peace sign at the camera. “Um… poggers!”

“Streamer Karin Asaka’s career begins today! Her first game...  _ Can Your Pet!” _

* * *

Karin had her knees pulled up to her chest. Who would have thought that  _ Can Your Pet _ meant…  _ that _ . She sighed. Setsuna apologized up and down, even though she  _ did _ try to warn them. Though oddly, Shizuku seemed rather unfazed by the whole thing, only saying that she “wished it happened to that talking giraffe instead”.

Karin had no idea what that meant. What she did know was that streaming was a harsh, harsh world. No place for a beauty such as herself, certainly.

“Karin! Hey!” she could hear a bubbly voice approaching her, and soon after, Ai coming to a stop beside her against the wall.

Karin nodded at Ai. “Oh hi Ai… you said you had an idea right?”

“Yep, yep! But first, here…” Ai held out a bag, which Karin saw contained a few tins of sardines and a nice cold pint of milk. Karin smiled at Ai’s quiet consideration. 

“Ai… tha-”

“NOW ROLL THAT FLASHBACK!”

_ Uh, ah?! Ahem… Ai slammed her hand on the whiteboard. “Listen up, Karin! What people find attractive is comedy! If you’re funny, you’re sexy! That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it! Thank you for coming to my TED talk, y’all!” _

_ Everyone in the room stood up and clapped at Ai’s magnificent theory. Truly, she had solved sexiness for all time. All hail Ai, queen of the- _

“Ai! That never happened!” Karin interrupted. “We were all honestly a little confused, let alone clapping! And why did we need the flashback? Couldn’t you have just explained it?”

Ai pouted. “Yeah, but I said it cooler back then! Besides, there was no need to complain. It’s all in  _ the past, _ right? Right?”

Karin giggled a bit. “Yeah, I suppose. So, comedy right? Let me try a jo-”

“Karin-senpai! Ai-senpai! Perfect timing!”

Karin looked over to see Kasumi running across the street towards them. In her hands was a box, unmistakably that of one from that bakery near Shinjuku. Yamabuki, she believed? Either way, Ai and Karin both could smell something delicious coming from within.

“Kasumi! I didn’t know you’d be here too!”

“Hehe, well when Ai-senpai said you were going to be making jokes, I knew you could use Kasumin’s talents! I felt bad about coming empty handed though, so…” She then opened the box, revealing six perfectly shaped buns of bread. “Ta-da! Some delicious bread! Peanut cream filled!”

Ai clapped her hands and smiled. “Nice, Kasumin! You always know what to  _ dough _ huh?”

Kasumi laughed nervously. “Hahaha, yes! Now, let’s all dig in everyone!”

Inside Kasumi’s head though, she was singing a different tune.  _ “Hehehehe… what they don’t know is that this isn’t peanut cream at all! It’s the Super Extra Spicy Extreme Hot Challenge Curry! They’ll absolutely be able to handle it but...Hoho, the look on their faces will be priceless!” _

Kasumi smiled devilishly on the inside, as Karin and Ai reached in, ready to grab the bread that would seal their fate, when…

“You know, actually though, I have these sardines to finish first.” Karin pulled her hand back.

Kasumi blinked. “Ah, what?”

Ai followed suit. “Oh yeah, true huh? Sardines and peanut cream probably wouldn’t mix anyway… Oh you can wash it down with the milk!”

“Hm, but I still have a lot here! I could probably take the bread home-”

“Ah, no, you can’t!” Kasumi shouted. Ai and Karin looked at her with eyebrows raised. “Oh uh, I mean… bread is best enjoyed when it's fresh, you know?”

Karin nodded. “Yeah, you have a point, especially when you brought it all the way here for us…”

“Oh!” Ai clapped and pointed her finger up, hitting upon another great idea. “Karin, sorry to ask after gifting you the sardines, but why don’t we all share them? Then we can have a little picnic together! I just need to grab a couple more drinks!”

Karin smiled back. “That’s a good idea, Ai! I don’t mind!’

“Then let’s not  _ flounder _ around with these fish, alright?” Ai grinned as she turned to find a convenience store.

“Ah, wait, Ai-senpai!” Kasumi shouted after her, but she was already on her way. She pouted. It looks like she would have to wait a little bit to see what she had been waiting for. She pulled out one of the buns and started to munch while she waited and she began to think to herself.  _ “It’s a good thing I picked up one peanut cream bread. It was supposed to be if they got suspicious so I could show them it was ok to eat but… I guess a snack is… also…” _

Something was wrong. Kasumi didn’t feel it at first, but the more she chewed the more she felt it. A strange feeling of discomfort, like remembering you forgot to turn in an assignment, or that you didn’t take your phone out of your shirt pocket before putting it in the laundry.

Kasumi looked down at the bun she was eating and her blood ran cold. The inside of the bun was bright red.

“AHHHHHHHH!!! HOT! HOT! HOT!” Kasumi shouted, dropping the cursed box of bread and running around the sidewalk in a panic.

It was then that Ai came running back to the two. “Oh, sorry guys! I forgot to ask what drinks you- Kasumin! What’s wrong?” She turned to Karin. “What happened?”

“Ah, Kasumi ate something spicy? I think that’s what she’s shouting about anyway.”

“Something hot? Oh dear… Ah, hold on!” Ai pulled out the pint of milk. “Sorry Karin! I’ll buy another for you later! For now, I have a Kasumi to save!” Ai said, running after the girl in question.

‘AHHHHHHHHH AI-SAN!! I’M SORRRRYYYYYY!!!!!”

“HOLD ON KASUMI! I’M COMING!!!”

“NOOOOOOOO!!! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!!!”

Karin looked after the two, dashing around the sidewalk until they eventually rounded a corner and disappeared. She looked down at the box of bread, still intact, having landed perfectly bottom side down, with the other five buns still intact. She slowly kneeled down and gingerly picked a bun from the box. She stared at the bun, curiosity filling her mind until she finally took a big chomp.

She smiled. “Oh wow! It is peanut cream!”

* * *

Emma put a hand to her mouth. “Wow, spicy bread?”

Karin shouted up to her. “Yeah! I was surprised curry could get that hot!”

Emma chuckled to herself. Bringing Karin along on her afternoon workout was a great idea! She had a friend to talk to and Karin could discover one of the world’s secrets: A fit idol is a sexy idol!

“That does sound like a good prank! Honestly though, I’d like to try that bread on its own!”

“That’s… amazing Emma! How do you… eat spicy… food like that?”

Emma smiled down at her. “You just get used to it! I wasn’t too good at eating spicy stuff at first either!”

“Wow… thank you… Emma…! I’ll keep it… in mind!” Karin smiled back at her.

Emma gave her a thumbs up. “Just let me know when you want to eat! We can do it together!”

Karin was glad she had such good friends. “Sure! But… first!”

Emma shouted down to her. “What is it, Karin?”

Karin stopped to catch her breath. “First, can we… go back down already?!” she shouted, hanging off the face off a cliff, some 20 feet down from Emma. “I don’t think this is the secret to sexiness!”

Emma shouted down, somehow having scaled even further up the rock face in the seconds that Karin had stopped. “WHAT WAS THAT, KARIN? YOU’RE A LITTLE TOO FAR DOWN! CAN YOU CLIMB UP FURTHER?” She looked up. “It’s only another 30 feet to the summit! You’ll definitely become the fittest sexiest idol when we get there!” she shouted down, already back on her way up.

Karin faceplanted against the wall of the cliff. She did know one thing now: sexiness was definitely as deep as this mountain was tall. And right now, she wasn’t sure which was more painful.

* * *

Karin sighed. Her body ached all over, even after Emma helped her down and even after they had said their goodbyes. Despite her friends’ best efforts, she was no closer to learning the secrets to sexiness! She laid her head down on the club’s table, now bathed in the glow of sunset and began to question herself. Was it really right to call herself a sexy idol, if she couldn’t even figure out what that meant?

“Oh, Karin-san. You’re not usually in the club this late. Especially not when it’s summer…”

Karin looked up to see a girl with black and green hair, tied up in long twintails. Her friend, Yu Takasaki. She may look like just any regular girl, but Karin knew how special she was. To the club and to her. Naturally, she knew immediately something was wrong.

Karin hummed. “I guess… I’m just feeling a little off.” She rested her head on her arm. “Like… what am I even doing anymore?”

Now, it was Yu’s turn to hum to herself, considering what little Karin had told her. “That is very unlike you, Karin.”

Karin sat up a little at that. “What do you mean?”

Yu folded her arms. “Well… the Karin I know always looks forward. Even if she’s not quite sure what goal she’s going for or how she’ll get there, she knows the important thing is to work hard everyday.” She looked at Karin and smiled. “And honestly, I think that’s pretty sexy.”

Karin’s eyes lit up at this revelation. She was sexy… because she worked hard at being sexy? She couldn’t believe the answer was staring right at her the whole time! Her eyes slowly regained the determination she had lost. “Yeah… yeah! You’re right, buchou! Ok world! Get ready to meet the new, improved, sexy idol Karin Asaka!” she shouted, rushing out the door to meet her next challenge.

Yu, meanwhile, didn’t get any of that. Was what she said really that deep? She shrugged. Karin at least seemed to be feeling better and honestly that was all she really needed to know. Now, it was time to look for those club documents she…

A buzzing in her pocket interrupted her. Pulling out her phone, Yu saw a message from… Kasumi-chan? She raised an eyebrow. Receiving a message from her wasn’t the odd part. It was no secret that Kasumi loved to text, especially to her “super duper awesomest senpai ever!”

But what was curious was what she texted.

_ senpai? how do you get the taste of spicy death out of your mouth? my tastebuds will thank you later. please and love you. _

Yu tilted her head. She could feel it was going to be a long evening. Whatever Kasumi was up to, she knew it would be exciting.

Both she and Karin had the same thought, even as they headed their separate ways. “These friends of mine sure are something.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I thought I'd try my hand at comedy today! How did you all like it? I definitely had a few moments where I smiled and went "oh yeah, that's going in!!" while writing it! It was a real blast so let me know if you enjoyed it!
> 
> There are a fair few cameos and such from other Bushiroad series in this fic! Points if you can guess the two convenience store clerks! And just what does Shizuku know about the giraffe, hmm?
> 
> Well, that's all for me today! As always, do hit me up on...
> 
> Twitter: @EverydaysPizza
> 
> I always love getting comments! Kudos and retweets are always much appreciated too! And for you Starira fans out there: you'll be getting some content from me all next week, so look forward to it! As always, stay happy, stay healthy, and make sure to drink your ovaltine! Pizza out!
> 
> (oh and P.S. Do NOT play Can Your Pet! Even if you're curious! It's soul-crushing. Learn from Karin's mistake!)


End file.
